It has been over 40 years since homosexuality was (finally) removed from the clinical bible of psychology and psychiatry, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Yet, those with “kinky” or “fetish-sexual” preferences, are still considered as having a sexual perversion/deviation and their adult, consensual, sexual activities listed as one of the many paraphilic disorders in the DSM. Along with still considered a disorder under the DSM, the prudish, judgemental and sex-negative attitudes of our culture and many religions, also contributes to the shame, fear-of-judgement and stigmatization felt by those who enjoy ‘non-vanilla‘ sex. And given that infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce, and sexual incompatibility is a frequent reason that couples seek out counselling, one would think that we would all be willing to embrace the notions of sexual freedom and authentic sexuality without judgement. Unfortunately this is not the case and much like being homosexual 50 years ago, those with kinky or fetish-sexual interests are subjected to culturally induced shame and judgements to keep their sexual interests underground and hidden, often from their spouses.
“Everyone wants to have great sex. Unfortunately, few do. To do so one has to venture beyond the narrow range the embedded cultural mythos deems sexually acceptable, and in some cases prohibits by law, civil or divine. Most of us keep our more primitive sexual creatures hidden and chained within the pruned, well-manicured, sterile landscape of the general culture. We are inhibited through fear and threat from venturing into the untamed, dangerous wilderness of our Eros.” (Galen Fous, MTP)
These cultural and often religious definitions of what is considered “normal” or “abnormal/deviant” sexual activity is forcing many with kinky or fetish leanings to experience shame, judgement and a need to withhold their most authentic sexual expressions, often at the cost of damaging or losing a relationship or marriage. Something needs to change, much like it did for homosexuality decades ago. Fortunately, we have conscious men like Galen Fous, MTP – a sex/kink-positive sexuality counselor – who are leading the way towards this next phase of our sexual/cultural evolution.
“Many who are paused at the threshold of their sexual desire are held in check by numerous unconscious, sex-negative, shaming beliefs and messages embedded since birth: ‘Sex is dirty. Men only want one thing. A woman who wants sex is a slut. Good girls/boys don’t do that. Don’t touch yourself down there. That desire is sick, unnatural, inhuman, evil. It’s a sin. You’ll go to hell‘” (Galen Fous, MTP)
In his ground-breaking new book Decoding Your Kink, Galen takes you on an intimate journey through his own struggles with the personal, cultural and professional implications of openly pursing one’s authentic sexuality in our sex-negative culture. Through his own painful experiences of being vindictively outed during a divorce and 15+ years of sex-positive counselling services to hundreds of couples and individuals, Galen delivers some much needed guidance and clear insights along the pathway to sexual authenticity with his open, honest and judgement-free approach to sexual expression and sexual freedom. Along with practical guidelines for sexual authenticity, Galen also helps to uncover the often hidden details of the mythical, spiritual and psycho-sexual aspects of our authentic and kinky sex-creature – which are decoded through Galen’s personal, professional and research-driven studies. He also show us how our culture of shame and judgement which inhibits the authentic and honest expression of our sexual nature, also maligns our sense of self, our spiritual core and general sense of wholeness and psychological health.
“This book will include methods to enhance your connection physically, emotionally and psychologically to yourself and your partner(s). It will offer techniques to expand your sense of presence and embodiment. There will be guides to help untangle the shames, anxieties, and internalized judgements we inevitably acquire, growing up in a sex-negative culture, that interfere with our pleasure of sexual expression.” (Galen Fous, MTP)
Few books on sexuality cover as much important, even necessary ground as Decoding Your Kink. Galen presents us not only with a comprehensive understanding of the damaging personal, professional and psychological effects of our sex-negative culture, but he gently provides us with a pathway out from under the culturally and often religiously induced shame and judgements which many experience outside the “vanilla-sex” arena. Galen offers us a moral, psychological and even spiritual foundation for those currently seeking to uncloak their sexual-creature from behind the mask of our sex-negative culture.
I have read many books on sexuality in the past 35 years or so, and few I can recommend as strongly as Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous. And make no mistake about it, although the title “Decoding Your Kink” may appear to target the fetish-sexual and BDSM communities, the underlying psychological and sexual message, the call for authentic and shame-free sexual expression, the practical guidelines and insights, are directly relevant and applicable to ALL forms of sexual expression.
“In the realm of sexuality, I consider it sacred to engage and encourage my desires and those of my partner fully, free of shame, fear or judgement by others. It is the grandest celebration of our souls to express our sexuality honestly and passionately.” (Galen Fous, MTP)
Are you are looking to explore your own “Sex Creature“, your own “Personal Erotic Myth“, your “Eros“? Are you hoping to develop a more satisfying, fulfilling and even spiritually infused sex-life with your partner? Are you looking to discover and release your own Personal Erotic Myth, unfold your Wildest Sexual Desires and experience the most mind-blowing sex of your life? Then Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous will most certainly get you and your partner headed down the right path towards authentic sexual liberation.
And if you would like to help out with Galen’s ground-breaking research, as well as uncovering the details of your own mythic sex-creature, head over to his site fill out the Personal Erotic Myth Survey. Completing the survey with your own partner is also a wonderfully playful, informative and intimate stepping-stone towards exploring and communicate your own sexual-creature, your Eros, with you partner(s).